Bonnie Barton Wolfarth, AB ’60, is positioned at the entrance of her suburban St. Louis County residence, eagerly anticipating and greeting a visitor on a frigid Friday in January.
“Be cautious of that icy patch on the driveway!” she exclaims, blending warmth with sincerity. Though in her mid-80s, she ensures all of her guests make it inside safely. A recent winter storm has transformed the St. Louis region into an ice rink, but once they step through the door, visitors discover a home brimming with warmth and joy. The effervescent spirit of long-time friends fills the room.
The Thetas, as they fondly refer to themselves, comprise a circle of women who established a profound bond as sorority sisters at Washington University many years ago and have steadfastly held onto it. Now in their eighties, the group is flourishing, with seven of them gathered in Wolfarth’s living room on this chilly January morning. Snow, ice, a global pandemic, and the passage of time, it seems, cannot deter the sisters of Kappa Alpha Theta from their monthly reunion.
This gathering has now reached its 66th year—this is no error. Each month since their graduation in 1961, this assembly of WashU alumnae from the former Alpha Iota chapter has convened regularly in some form or another. It began as “The Wednesday Group,” where they would meet to update each other on their lives, careers, and growing families. Over the decades, it evolved into family playdates with perhaps a lunch on the side.
For sixty plus years, the group has enjoyed dinners, brunches, family trips, children’s weddings, New Year’s Eve lunches, and significant birthdays together. They now humorously refer to themselves as “The-Wednesday-Group-That-Meets-On-Friday.” And their story is far from over.
Alongside Wolfarth, those who gathered that day for lunch and fellowship included Carol Kring Crebs, BSBA ’60; Sharon Anderson Croissant, AB ’61; Barbara Phillips Dammkoehler, AB ’60; Sally Mill Dreimeyer, AB ’61; Rochelle Albert Hicks, BSBA ’60; and Claire Talbot Robertson, AB ’61, MSW ’63. Also part of the group but absent for various reasons are Ida Feldmann Perabo, AB ’61; Sandra Wright Oliver, AB ’61; and Jane Arensmeyer Schraudenbach, AB ’61.
“Nearly all of us were raised here in St. Louis and attended Washington U as commuting students,” Croissant shares. “I added it all up, and we represent eight different high schools from the St. Louis area. Among the ten of us, we have 20 children, 35 grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. And yes, we’ve experienced a few divorces and the loss of our husbands, so it’s challenging to pinpoint the exact number of years we’ve been married, but I’ve counted up to 444!
“We have been teachers, retail experts, entrepreneurs, and social workers,” Croissant continues. “We have also volunteered extensively in the community for many years. A few of us have served on reunion committees.” This means the first among them can start celebrating their 65th reunion at WashU this upcoming summer.
“This circle of women is too remarkable to believe,” Perabo expressed in an email. “They are generous with their joy, sorrow, support, meals—whatever is essential, whenever it’s essential. We’ve been there for each other from the days our children first walked to the weddings and births of our grandchildren. We have offered each other support during the loss of dear friends, some far too soon. I feel blessed to have such friendships.”
Friends who stand resilient through all circumstances, including significant heartache, as six of them find themselves as widows. “We have a small subgroup within the group referred to as ‘The Merry Widows,’” Croissant notes, who lost her husband, Stan, in 2019. “We uplift one another, attend a play, and then enjoy a lovely dinner together—that has been wonderful. We welcome new members, but we’re not really looking for them, right?”
The start of the Second Century
Comprehending how this friendship has endured so profoundly and for so many years perhaps begins with reminiscing about the campus environment when the first of them enrolled in 1956. Dwight Eisenhower was the president, Elvis Presley had yet to perform “Hound Dog” on The Ed Sullivan Show (which he would do that October), and a streetcar delivered students to the northwestern corner of what was then called Hilltop Campus. The majority of WashU students—estimates suggest as high as 70-80 percent—were commuting students from the St. Louis vicinity.
The university had just celebrated its centennial in 1953 and was launching its Second Century initiative. Dormitories named Liggett, Koenig, Umrath, and Rubelmann were beginning to open on a plot of land south of Forsyth, next to a new student center called the Wohl Center. A.H. Shepley was chancellor, and by 1960, plans were underway for a new library north of Graham Chapel.
The campus was evolving, and so was the student population. However, according to Beginning a Great Work: Washington University in St. Louis 1853-2003 by Candace O’Connor, it would not be until 1964, after these women graduated, that most students would come from outside the St. Louis area.
For the Thetas, a spacious room on the second floor of The Women’s Building functioned as their sorority home and the central hub of their daily lives, a welcoming atmosphere equipped with couches, chairs, and tables where they could not only hold meetings, but also study, unwind between classes, play bridge, or share lunch in the basement alongside other campus women. Even though
they were students commuting to classes, within The Women’s Building, they supported one another.
“Without the sorority,” Dammkoehler states. “I would have navigated a campus devoid of an anchor.”
The university that these women initially entered resembled the one portrayed in this film by Charles Guggenheim, a cinematic time capsule filled with neat young men in sweaters, clasping their books at their waists to attend lectures with instructors dressed in suits and ties. The film features a rich baritone voice that narrates their every action.
“Without the sorority, I would have navigated a campus devoid of an anchor.”
Barbara Phillips Dammkoehler
The Thetas possess their own recollection of that era, reminiscing about attending lectures in large auditoriums, participating in dances and social gatherings with fraternities, and donning what they considered “standard” attire for women during the 1950s, which entailed wearing skirts or dresses daily. “Pants were not in our outfit,” Croissant remarks. “We wore skirts paired with knee-high socks, and either Oxfords or saddle shoes.”
This unofficial dress requirement for women was followed “even in the cold,” Dammkoehler notes. “The campus could be really chilly since there weren’t many buildings or tall trees to shield from the wind. However, by the end of our time here — I believe it was possibly my junior year — society began to relax enough to permit women to wear slacks,” she shares. “I recall thinking, ‘Wow, this is so logical. Why didn’t anyone suggest we could do this earlier?’”
Their waiting for approval speaks volumes about the societal conventions relevant to the so-called Silent Generation, not part of the Greatest Generation that matured during the Great Depression and World War II, yet too mature to be considered Baby Boomers. A handful of the Thetas remember attentively observing the Kennedy-Nixon debate in the fall of 1960 with their romantic partners in a fraternity house, and attending an Assembly Series lecture by Eleanor Roosevelt. Additionally, a memory of a packed lecture held by a young writer named Gloria Steinem is particularly memorable. Nevertheless, while they were university students, numerous freedoms for women still lay a few years in the future.
Women comprehend
Post-graduation, the majority of the Thetas pursued careers in education, while a few ventured into advertising, retail purchasing, or social services. “Some of us immediately went to graduate school, but most tied the knot within a year or two after college,” Croissant states. “Then we turned our attention to raising our children. That’s when we gathered, with our little ones crawling about. We depended on one another.”
“I have friends who have inquired about what it was like to be in college during the 1950s,” says Dammkoehler, who was married for 53 years to Richard Dammkoehler, an emeritus professor of engineering, until he passed away in 2014. “It was a wonderful time, a tranquil period to be growing up — although we had already faced some uncertainties as young kids of the 1940s.”
“Some of us immediately went to graduate school, but most tied the knot within a year or two after college. Then we turned our attention to raising our children. That’s when we gathered, with our little ones crawling about. We depended on one another.”
Sharon Anderson Croissant
“Then the women’s movement erupted when we were young mothers, and that disrupted my perspective,” Dammkoehler remarks. “I wouldn’t have labeled myself a feminist, nor did I wave a sign during protests, but the women’s movement did influence my thoughts. Did I truly need to be perpetually dusting furniture or confined to the kitchen?”
This newfound energy propelled the friends, once their children matured, into volunteerism. The group has flourished in their subsequent chapters and has engaged with various community organizations, as outlined by Croissant.
“Bonnie played a pivotal role in launching The Churchill School and was recognized as a ‘Woman of Achievement,’ and we have participated in the Women’s Connection Network,” she highlights. “We’ve contributed our efforts to special needs projects and even performed as gospel singers, at Powder Valley Conservation Nature Center, at the Frank Lloyd Wright House in Ebsworth Park, the Miriam Switching Post, and assisted Afghan refugees through the International Institute. I believe there’s a spirit among us that even in our 80s, we can venture out and give back to our community. I cherish that.”
Through life’s fluctuations, this group of St. Louis locals has supported each other. And without WashU, they may never have crossed paths. “It took me years to recognize what a benefit this was for us,” Dammkoehler mentions, alluding to the fact they all grew up — and largely stayed — in the St. Louis vicinity. “My daughter [Ann Dammkoehler Spangler, AB ’89] attended WashU during the 1980s, and while she made lasting friendships too, they came from various parts of the country and dispersed after graduation. They don’t have this.”
This represents women who uplift one another, women who “comprehend,” as Gloria Steinem once articulated about women’s camaraderie. Women “share experiences,” she expressed, “exchange laughter, create art, and recount humiliating moments that hold no significance for men, yet women comprehend.”
“We monitor each other’s wellness, offer emotional and physical support (including meals when necessary), and have embarked on numerous amusing and meaningful trips and endeavors,” Robertson states. “We look forward to the consistency of our gatherings and cherish aging together while genuinely enjoying one another’s presence.”
“I am incredibly fortunate to have such friends,” Perabo expressed. “I wish for all students at Washington U to discover such friendships and to also value the education they are receiving — as it will open numerous doors for future learning.”
As Croissant puts it: “We’ve simply lived fulfilling lives due to one another.”
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